I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize