There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
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