yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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