she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
