Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
