you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
