We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
