I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
