i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Are we still banned from the library?
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
