omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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