sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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