I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
