Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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