Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize