Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
