Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
