So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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