My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
I want to fling myself into the sun
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