hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
