so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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