we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
