i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
