He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
