You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Randomize
