The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
