6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
