i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
