I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Randomize
