Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
