I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
