Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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