good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Randomize
