The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
