Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
