the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
