do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
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