Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Semen is not good for contacts.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Randomize
