My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
