ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
