see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
