She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Randomize
