Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
