It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
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