I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
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