the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
