My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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