So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Quick, to the slutcave!
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
