i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
