brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
