He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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