No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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