does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
