Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
Randomize
