I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
