My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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