girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
