went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
