i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
