he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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