So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
