She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
its liver damage thursday
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
