Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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