If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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