She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
