i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize