i don't like sucking hair
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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