BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
