I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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