new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
