Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
