Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
