Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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