There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize