just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
