Porn is love you can see.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
