Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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