He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
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