he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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