Sry I called you an 8
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
How external is "for external use only"?
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
