no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm like, not good at living.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
