I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I woke up this morning and my house is covered in shredded cheese with my laptop open and a google image search for "awesome shit".
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
