I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
his daughter has his phone and goesss ohhh boobies and shows me a picture of my own tits...
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
