We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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