Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
is it fun? or sober?
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
