I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
