Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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