Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
