I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
